I will let you make stupid videos.
I will humor you with a pity smile when you make me watch another round of dramatic gopher.
I will make like I enjoy your fascination with celebrities.
I will pretend that commercials are clever.
I will act as if your replies to said commercials are witty.
I will remain silent when you try to troll me.
I will act like I don’t think you are compensating for penis size because you drive a new version of an old muscle car.
I won’t say a word when you drive by blasting your music out of over-sized speakers in your piece of shit car.
I will turn a blind eye to your complete lack of understanding that the way you dress makes you look like an idiot.
I won’t slaughter your children even though I know they inherited your genetic makeup.
I won’t eat your pets to spite you.
I do it all because I know, one day, all you sad sacks of shit will be dead.
(I am not amused by this or this.)